JW drew away, reaching back to unfold a box and start piling eclairs into it.
"No, not my thing." With a flick and a scroll of his thumb he lifted his shitty Fantasy Walmart phone to show Varker the blurry jpeg of the basketball deer. "My boyfriend thinks he is hilarious."
Varker stared at the phone in his face, squinting because wow...that picture was really bad. Who didn't have a smartphone these days?
He kind of laughs though, at the comment and the shitty picture, "Yeah, well at least yours doesn't have the humor of a brick wall."
That might have been in poor taste but...he was too tired to be all that respectful of the dead. He didn't need to mourn in front of Rudolph the big-nosed reindeer here.
"Hmm, guess you're right. It'd be a lot of trouble having to be extra hilarious." JW, through is ignorance, just shrugged off the comment and placed the box onto the counter.
"Should I toss the brownie in here with the rest?" A hand hovered over a small stack of little paper bags--the sort you eat a donut from while driving or walking.
"I'm sure that would be a true struggle for you," He returned, though seemed to consider the question. At least he did, until he could feel something wet sliding down the side of his nose and he swore, loudly.
Pulling a handkerchief out of the pocket of his slacks, he wiped at his face and held his hand out for the brownie, shoving the kerchief back into his pocket. "H-how much will that be?"
JW stuffed the brownie in the smaller bag and led Varker over to the register. "It would be exhausting because I am side-splitting if you haven't noticed."
The longer the man stayed in his shop the more JW's mismatched eyes were drawn to his noggin. He just flat-out assumed Varker was under some sort of curse...but suddenly it dawned on him that the brownie was for the MOUTH. Could it think? Was it connected to anything? It must be! He heard it hiss!
"I'm in stitches already. You should definitely quit your day job." He returns, his fingers itching for that bag to get the mouth above his eyes to stop drooling, to just stop altogether, even if it's chewing would potentially get crumbs in his eyes.
He reached for his wallet, thumbing through larger bills to get at the ten in the back, pulling it out and had just been about to say 'keep the change', when he catches JW in another stare and he wishes he had a second set of eyes to glare at him as well.
Both mouths hiss loudly, like he could help it and he slams the money on the counter to get JW's attention back to anywhere but what used to be his forehead.
With a weird half snort half cough, JW's attention was yanked back to the counter. In all honesty he was pretty baffled at himself. He saw weird things all the time when he world-walked. Krem showed him photos of grizzly monsters he faced all the time.
But there was just something about Forehead Mouth dude. The way the upper maw jutted downward, JW figured if you flipped Varker upside down, the second mouth would be smiling!
Unless the mouth that was talking to him was actually the second mouth.
"In my defense, you called me horns first," JW reminded Varker in a dry tone. The paper pastry trade happened swiftly.
"You stared first." He returned, practically spitting acid and held his hand out of for his change.
It was made less dramatic when the mouth atop his head snaked it's tongue down and stole the brownie, paper bag and all wrapped up in it's tongue and dragged it back up, chewing slowly. There were no more hisses, just a shower of crumbs. Varker was now well aware why Stewart had said it was better to die. He felt just that right now. "Not. A. Word."
"You came into my shop, what was I supposed to do?" JW was swift with making the change, dropping the coins unceremoniously into Varker's hand.
And then that happened.
At first JW's eyes grew wide. He almost snorted. Almost. But then he just felt sad. All those crumbs. All his hard work going to waste. The mouth that was talking clearly couldn't taste it because he was still frowning. "Man."
"Look me in the eyes." Varker felt utterly defeated, and yet still he wanted to be all piss and vinegar. Yet the crumbs were getting all over his vest and shirt, ruining any attempt he had made to look presentable with his current life situation.
"I'm going to sit in the corner and eat all of these now. Feel free to continue staring. Maybe IT will smile for you if you look long enough." And if he starts crying then that's okay too he guesses. "Excuse me."
And off he went with his change, shoving it into his pocket dangerously and carrying the box of eclairs and just, sitting at a table, dropping his head onto it and hoping that even if he could still feel it, his upper mouth might bite it's tongue on the way down.
James Walter was many things. He was wary. He was curious. He was an adventurer and a soul who had been beaten down time after time by The Man. He was fairly well-educated in the dangers of magic and he was resourceful.
But above all else he was a, asshole.
"It already kinda looks like it's smilin' if you were to stand on your head." The words just came out. He'd gotten his money. He was sure this guy wasn't going to come back. What did he have to lose?
Maybe a few hours cleaning up the mess this guy was leaving all over his floor he guessed.
"What the fuck did you say?" And in an instant Varker turned, having already opened the box he'd received and flung it with all his might at the man behind the counter. He's been through shit, he's run away from scientific horrors. After all of that...he could say he'd gotten good at aiming.
If even one of those eclairs hit him in the face it would be worth $8.57
Honestly, if Varker was that down and out he could have gone into a dark alley to eat, JW figured. That's what he would have done. He just grinned back at his customer--something he'd been doing quite a bit more of lately-- with his one mouth. And then that grin turned into a grimace of surprise.
He was great at dodging things out in the wilds and the in-between and the everautumn where he expected things to jump out at him. But here in his sanctuary, his confectionery castle, his wits were elsewhere. And this is how he ended up with several chocolate eclairs hanging off his antlers and sliding down his shirt.
"I'm just saying," Varker parroted back at him, giving him the finger.
He slid back up to the counter, thumbing through bills again and looked up at JW, sighing. "Oh, seems I don't have enough change. I just dropped my eclairs sir, do you think you could replace them for me?"
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theattic2014-11-09 07:23 pm
no subject
"No, not my thing." With a flick and a scroll of his thumb he lifted his shitty Fantasy Walmart phone to show Varker the blurry jpeg of the basketball deer. "My boyfriend thinks he is hilarious."
no subject
He kind of laughs though, at the comment and the shitty picture, "Yeah, well at least yours doesn't have the humor of a brick wall."
That might have been in poor taste but...he was too tired to be all that respectful of the dead. He didn't need to mourn in front of Rudolph the big-nosed reindeer here.
no subject
"Should I toss the brownie in here with the rest?" A hand hovered over a small stack of little paper bags--the sort you eat a donut from while driving or walking.
no subject
Pulling a handkerchief out of the pocket of his slacks, he wiped at his face and held his hand out for the brownie, shoving the kerchief back into his pocket. "H-how much will that be?"
no subject
The longer the man stayed in his shop the more JW's mismatched eyes were drawn to his noggin. He just flat-out assumed Varker was under some sort of curse...but suddenly it dawned on him that the brownie was for the MOUTH. Could it think? Was it connected to anything? It must be! He heard it hiss!
He was staring again. "Eight fifty."
no subject
He reached for his wallet, thumbing through larger bills to get at the ten in the back, pulling it out and had just been about to say 'keep the change', when he catches JW in another stare and he wishes he had a second set of eyes to glare at him as well.
Both mouths hiss loudly, like he could help it and he slams the money on the counter to get JW's attention back to anywhere but what used to be his forehead.
no subject
But there was just something about Forehead Mouth dude. The way the upper maw jutted downward, JW figured if you flipped Varker upside down, the second mouth would be smiling!
Unless the mouth that was talking to him was actually the second mouth.
"In my defense, you called me horns first," JW reminded Varker in a dry tone. The paper pastry trade happened swiftly.
no subject
It was made less dramatic when the mouth atop his head snaked it's tongue down and stole the brownie, paper bag and all wrapped up in it's tongue and dragged it back up, chewing slowly. There were no more hisses, just a shower of crumbs. Varker was now well aware why Stewart had said it was better to die. He felt just that right now. "Not. A. Word."
no subject
And then that happened.
At first JW's eyes grew wide. He almost snorted. Almost. But then he just felt sad. All those crumbs. All his hard work going to waste. The mouth that was talking clearly couldn't taste it because he was still frowning. "Man."
no subject
"I'm going to sit in the corner and eat all of these now. Feel free to continue staring. Maybe IT will smile for you if you look long enough." And if he starts crying then that's okay too he guesses. "Excuse me."
And off he went with his change, shoving it into his pocket dangerously and carrying the box of eclairs and just, sitting at a table, dropping his head onto it and hoping that even if he could still feel it, his upper mouth might bite it's tongue on the way down.
no subject
But above all else he was a, asshole.
"It already kinda looks like it's smilin' if you were to stand on your head." The words just came out. He'd gotten his money. He was sure this guy wasn't going to come back. What did he have to lose?
Maybe a few hours cleaning up the mess this guy was leaving all over his floor he guessed.
no subject
If even one of those eclairs hit him in the face it would be worth $8.57
no subject
Honestly, if Varker was that down and out he could have gone into a dark alley to eat, JW figured. That's what he would have done. He just grinned back at his customer--something he'd been doing quite a bit more of lately-- with his one mouth. And then that grin turned into a grimace of surprise.
He was great at dodging things out in the wilds and the in-between and the everautumn where he expected things to jump out at him. But here in his sanctuary, his confectionery castle, his wits were elsewhere. And this is how he ended up with several chocolate eclairs hanging off his antlers and sliding down his shirt.
no subject
He slid back up to the counter, thumbing through bills again and looked up at JW, sighing. "Oh, seems I don't have enough change. I just dropped my eclairs sir, do you think you could replace them for me?"