"I AM I AM!" Maurice hollered as he ran in a blind panic. He wasn't used to running from monsters. He was the monster! The beer's footfalls crashed through the undergrowth behind them and he could hear its loud heaving breaths. Bears were terrifying on their own, but when you combine that with the fence-clearing bound of a deer, nobody has a good time.
They were both lucky that Maurice had fed only hours ago and had supernatural stamina to spare.
What he did not have was supernatural smarts.
As he ran, he looked everywhere but down. Murphy's law snapped into full force as the earth fell away from beneath Maruice's boots and the two of them tumbled right back into the pit he had found Dipper in to begin with.
Dipper felt a scream leave him involuntarily as they both pitched forward into the pit, straight back into the darkness. Thankfully, Dipper never has been much of a heavy kid so when he inevitably landed on top of Maurice he didn't make much of an impact, but it was enough to knock the wind out of his lungs.
But that also meant they were now at the mercy of the beer...which he hoped would either miss the pit entirely, not be able to fit, or be competent enough to know that if it went after them it wouldn't be able to so easily climb back out again.
"Uoof!" Indeed, a tween landing on his chest did send the air rushing out of him. He cringed and coughed and squinted upward into the dim circle of light. The footfalls grew closer and in only moments a horrible face eclipsed their portal to freedom. It let out a low rumble and moved to snap at them but its antlers were too broad.
The beer grunted angrily and turned its head one way and then the other but there was no way it could reach them with its jaws.
So it tried its paws instead. Momma Beer drew back and reached down into the pit with a long furry arm tipped in wicked sickles. One snagged Dipper's hat.
"H-hey!" Dipper exclaimed, though really he knew he should be less concerned about that and more concerned about whether or not he'd make it back to the Shack in one piece. He had enough sense to stay down though as the beer swiped her massive paw at them, just narrowly missing the top of his head.
Maurice managed to get his breath back in time to wheeze it out again. He tried to make himself as flat as possible so that Dipper could keep his head.
Dipper could only nod in agreement, even though he knew the beer wouldn't understand. The baby was still around he hoped, so maybe it would wander in her line of sight to reassure her that they hadn't actually harmed it.
Momma Beer dragged the hat up to the surface but it was hard to tell what became of it. Bits of dirt and small stones and drool rained down on them as the creature tried its best to grab at the meat at the bottom of the hole.
Maurice's mind slowed down as the growling and scraping continued. They weren't going anywhere...so they beer need to go somewhere. The dead man's brows dipped downward and a sharp frown cut itself into his face.
"I've had just about enough of this crap." He grunted and leaned up, turning to the side to dump Dipper onto the dirt. Then he turned his face skyward and let out an impressive roar of his own.
With Dipper's encouragement, Maurice felt less like he was a crazy yelling guy in a hole and more like a guy in a hole who was doing some good.
"RROOOOAAAAAAR!" he bellowed back.
The beer blinked furiously. Then she planted her paws on either side of the hole, sucked in a deep breath of her own, and let loose a thundercrash of a roar right in Maurice's face.
Maurice coughed and crumpled up like a dying spider. "She spit in my mouth! I'm going to get rabies and die!"
Dipper clamped both hands over his ears and fell back against the side of the hole as the beer roared back, glancing over at Maurice out of the corner of his eye.
"...Maurice, you're already dead! You're a vampire!"
The boy grimaced, shaking his head and jumping to his feet when he saw the beer trying to dig her way through. If they let her keep that up, they'd be goners for sure.
So, naturally, he quickly picks up the nearest rock he can find and lobs it at the creature, hoping that much will discourage her from trying to make them into dinner.
Smack! Right in the eye! The beer let out a shriek and reared up, pawing at her face. Maurice stared in amazement.
"That's it!" He scratched and scraped at the floor of the pit and found another rock. A good sharp one! When the beer turned to face them again, the rock bounced off her sensitive nose. "Beat it, Yogi!"
Dipper wasn't interested in hurting the beer- not if he could help it- but he would throw rocks to get it to leave, apparently. He stooped to pick up another, holding it tight in his fist as he glared up at the creature looming above them. "We aren't worth the trouble, trust me."
That was encouraging, at least! Though Dipper couldn't see the cub anywhere...it was probably nearby, hiding. The only problem was that they were beginning to run out of rocks, and fast.
"Okay, let's hope she gets the message soon, or we're done!"
Maurice glanced at the ground. Yeah. They were running out fast. They had maybe two. It was a shame they didn't have any sticks or heavy objects or--
The vampire set his jaw. He leaned down, tugged off his big heavy biker boot, and hurled it with every ounce of his undead strength right at the momma beer. It smashed into her muzzle and sent tears prickling into her eyes. She wrenched her head away and shook it wildly before loudly crashing away through the brush. The honking calls of her baby could be heard as it struggled to catch up to her.
He sank back down to the ground, not bothering to put his boot back on yet. Now he could have a heart-attack in peace. Or at least what felt like one. No pulse and all.
Dipper fell down next to Maurice with a heavy sigh, running a slightly shaky hand down the side of his face. He's had close calls before quite like this one, but being trapped in the same hole he'd fallen in earlier was new.
He tilted his head and strained his ears. The night had gone quiet, save for the insects and occasional night bird.
"I don't think so..." He sat up and put his boot back on. Then Maurice froze when he heard something else. At first he feared the beer had returned, but when the distant rumble sounded a second time, he relaxed. "Sounds like it's gonna rain...let's get outta here."
He rocked forward and crouched so Dipper could climb his shoulders again. "Second verse, same as the first."
Dipper nodded, carefully climbing up, though a bit more slowly this time after having fallen down into the pit twice over. Once he made his way out he briefly dusted himself off and recovered his hat, making a face at the long rip that the beer's claws had gouged through the top.
"Man...guess I'll have to see if Mabel can stitch this back together or something."
It didn't take long for Maurice to join him. He frowns sympathetically at the boy and his hat. He'd been wearing it the last time they met too. It must have been special.
"Maybe...you never had anyone show you how?" Maurice, not everyone was forced into boyscouts like you were.
"Well...not really. I mean, Mabel would be thrilled to teach me if I asked, I guess...but I think she'd do a better job than I could," He admitted, putting his hat back on for the time being.
"I gotcha." After giving the scene one more look, he began to walk, hands in his pockets. "What's that book of yours say about...uh. Beers anyway? Are they even in there?"
Dipper frowns and pulls out the journal, flipping through it. "I haven't read anything about...'beers', but lately things have been showing up that the journal doesn't talk about." He knows why that is; he's only got one of three, so naturally he won't have information on everything out there just yet.
"Huh. Maybe you oughtta write your own, then." He tensed up as thunder rolled in the distance. Everything sounds like a large predator after you've been attacked by one. "Jeez...I'm gonna have...nightbears after that."
And then he grinned a horrible grin, prouder of himself than he had been in ages.
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theattic2014-11-09 07:23 pm
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They were both lucky that Maurice had fed only hours ago and had supernatural stamina to spare.
What he did not have was supernatural smarts.
As he ran, he looked everywhere but down. Murphy's law snapped into full force as the earth fell away from beneath Maruice's boots and the two of them tumbled right back into the pit he had found Dipper in to begin with.
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But that also meant they were now at the mercy of the beer...which he hoped would either miss the pit entirely, not be able to fit, or be competent enough to know that if it went after them it wouldn't be able to so easily climb back out again.
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The beer grunted angrily and turned its head one way and then the other but there was no way it could reach them with its jaws.
So it tried its paws instead. Momma Beer drew back and reached down into the pit with a long furry arm tipped in wicked sickles. One snagged Dipper's hat.
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"Leave us alone! We didn't touch your baby!"
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Maurice's mind slowed down as the growling and scraping continued. They weren't going anywhere...so they beer need to go somewhere. The dead man's brows dipped downward and a sharp frown cut itself into his face.
"I've had just about enough of this crap." He grunted and leaned up, turning to the side to dump Dipper onto the dirt. Then he turned his face skyward and let out an impressive roar of his own.
The beer stopped roaring and snorted in surprise.
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"Hey...k..keep doing that, Maurice! I bet you can scare her off!" Or, at least he hoped.
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"RROOOOAAAAAAR!" he bellowed back.
The beer blinked furiously. Then she planted her paws on either side of the hole, sucked in a deep breath of her own, and let loose a thundercrash of a roar right in Maurice's face.
Maurice coughed and crumpled up like a dying spider. "She spit in my mouth! I'm going to get rabies and die!"
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"...Maurice, you're already dead! You're a vampire!"
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The beer started to dig away at the edge of the hole, finally noticing that the earth was soft.
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So, naturally, he quickly picks up the nearest rock he can find and lobs it at the creature, hoping that much will discourage her from trying to make them into dinner.
"Get out of here, go on!"
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"That's it!" He scratched and scraped at the floor of the pit and found another rock. A good sharp one! When the beer turned to face them again, the rock bounced off her sensitive nose. "Beat it, Yogi!"
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"You don't want either of us! The little guy'll just get caught in your teeth and I'll go straight to your hips!" He hurled another stone.
Their attempts seemed to be working! The beer hadn't counted on these horrible two-legged things having projectiles.
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"Okay, let's hope she gets the message soon, or we're done!"
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The vampire set his jaw. He leaned down, tugged off his big heavy biker boot, and hurled it with every ounce of his undead strength right at the momma beer. It smashed into her muzzle and sent tears prickling into her eyes. She wrenched her head away and shook it wildly before loudly crashing away through the brush. The honking calls of her baby could be heard as it struggled to catch up to her.
He sank back down to the ground, not bothering to put his boot back on yet. Now he could have a heart-attack in peace. Or at least what felt like one. No pulse and all.
"Whheewwhh."
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"Finally...think she'll come back...?"
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"I don't think so..." He sat up and put his boot back on. Then Maurice froze when he heard something else. At first he feared the beer had returned, but when the distant rumble sounded a second time, he relaxed. "Sounds like it's gonna rain...let's get outta here."
He rocked forward and crouched so Dipper could climb his shoulders again. "Second verse, same as the first."
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"Man...guess I'll have to see if Mabel can stitch this back together or something."
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"Maybe...you never had anyone show you how?" Maurice, not everyone was forced into boyscouts like you were.
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And then he grinned a horrible grin, prouder of himself than he had been in ages.
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