THE FLUFF CORNER

[wolfintheattic]

NO LONGER IN USE

Comments

[toothaches]

...or you could be broken. That could also be what happens.

_{[He gets down on his knees to turn the box every which way. It was plugged in right and everything. Giving up out of frustration and withdrawel pain, he sits with his back against the couch.]}

Uuuuugh. Oh, my head. Terri, why me?

[iamnotfast]

[EXCUSE YOU. He is not broken.]

[But the box just. Sits there. Silently. At least until Maurice speaks... because there it is. The words he's waiting for.]

[The box opens with a sound like an inflating blimp, as, slowly but surely, the squishy bot emerges, cheerful as ever, despite his mono-expression.]

[toothaches]

<sub>[He sort of expected it to act like a rhoomba for some reason.]

[He did not, however, expect an emergency life raft with EYES to pop out in his living room. He lets out a holler, as is customary when rednecks encounter strange technology, and all but crawls backwards over the couch arm.]</sub>

Woah! Woah, okay. Shit, I gotta tell Terri about that part or they'll have a whole hospital full of heart attacks.

[iamnotfast]

[Well that's weird.]

[No one ever mentioned people might be startled by him. What was the point of Tadashi's "approachable and nonthreatening exterior" if people were scared?]

[Still, apparently undaunted, the programming takes over, and he waves a pudgy hand.]

Hello! I am Baymax, your personal healthcare companion. I heard sounds of distress.

How may I assist you?

[toothaches]

<sub>[Hello, Baymax. Have you ever been put in charge of a magically reanimated corpse before? Probably not.]

[Maurice quickly gets over his shock as he climbs off the sofa and stands before the marshmallow robot.]

[ITS A FUCKING ROBOT!!!!]</sub>

I have a headache but I think I can deal! Did you know that you're a robot?

[iamnotfast]

Yes.

I will scan you now.

[And he holds up a hand. Hold onto your hat, Maurice, you're gonna get looked at by robonurse.]

[toothaches]

_{[Maurice...isn't exactly sure what this scan entails so naturally he's nervous.]}

Uh...do I have to sign anything?

[iamnotfast]

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<smal<tt>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

<smal<tt><big>No. That is unnecessary. My scanning hardware does not require signing.

[toothaches]

Er...well, alright. Go nuts.

[iamnotfast]

[BEEP BOOP here he goes, time to scan the vampire and... see how that ends up reading on his systems.]

[toothaches]

<sub>[No heartbeat. Abnormally cold body temperature. Obstruction in the chest cavity made of mobile curse threads. None of his signs looked particularly good--plus he had a withdrawal headache.]

[As the silence stretches, Maurice starts feeling naked.]</sub>

[iamnotfast]

[what.]

[No. Seriously. What. There is nothing in his database to match any of this. Except the hangover thing -- but that's less important, compared to:]

... You should not be alive.

[toothaches]

_{[What a thing to say, Baymax! Shame on you!]}

Uuuuuh, can you just ignore that part? It's...I'm fine!

[iamnotfast]

You lack a pulse, and other functions human bodies need in order to maintain life.

...

I do not understand.

[toothaches]

It's...a condition. Very rare. Don't worry about it.

_{[DAMMIT TERRI.]}

[iamnotfast]

... Your condition does not match any known conditions in my database.

[toothaches]

_{[Maurice spreads his arms.]}

See? Super duper rare!

[iamnotfast]

What is it called?

[toothaches]

Uhm...vampirism.

[iamnotfast]

... Vampirism not found. Suggested substitutions include: Renfield syndrome. Photophobia. Porphyria.

[toothaches]

H-hah! See? Super rare!

[iamnotfast]

[Head tilt. Blink.]

[He totally does not buy that.]

[toothaches]

_{[Maurice keeps his grin until it starts to hurt his face.]}

What else do you want me to tell you?

[iamnotfast]

What else can you tell me about your: condition?

[IS IT STORY TIME.]

[toothaches]

Ah-- uh. Uuuuuuh.

_{[Maurice wrings his hands and looks around as if there was a HOW TO VAMPIRE manual on the wall somewhere.]}

I'm...undead. I died a few years ago, but it's totally okay! I'm fine as long as I have enough blood.

_{[Maurice, why would you tell him that?]}