THE FLUFF CORNER

[wolfintheattic]

NO LONGER IN USE

Comments

[iamnotfast]

[EXCUSE YOU. He is not broken.]

[But the box just. Sits there. Silently. At least until Maurice speaks... because there it is. The words he's waiting for.]

[The box opens with a sound like an inflating blimp, as, slowly but surely, the squishy bot emerges, cheerful as ever, despite his mono-expression.]

[toothaches]

<sub>[He sort of expected it to act like a rhoomba for some reason.]

[He did not, however, expect an emergency life raft with EYES to pop out in his living room. He lets out a holler, as is customary when rednecks encounter strange technology, and all but crawls backwards over the couch arm.]</sub>

Woah! Woah, okay. Shit, I gotta tell Terri about that part or they'll have a whole hospital full of heart attacks.

[iamnotfast]

[Well that's weird.]

[No one ever mentioned people might be startled by him. What was the point of Tadashi's "approachable and nonthreatening exterior" if people were scared?]

[Still, apparently undaunted, the programming takes over, and he waves a pudgy hand.]

Hello! I am Baymax, your personal healthcare companion. I heard sounds of distress.

How may I assist you?

[toothaches]

<sub>[Hello, Baymax. Have you ever been put in charge of a magically reanimated corpse before? Probably not.]

[Maurice quickly gets over his shock as he climbs off the sofa and stands before the marshmallow robot.]

[ITS A FUCKING ROBOT!!!!]</sub>

I have a headache but I think I can deal! Did you know that you're a robot?

[iamnotfast]

Yes.

I will scan you now.

[And he holds up a hand. Hold onto your hat, Maurice, you're gonna get looked at by robonurse.]

[toothaches]

_{[Maurice...isn't exactly sure what this scan entails so naturally he's nervous.]}

Uh...do I have to sign anything?

[iamnotfast]

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<smal<tt>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

<smal<tt><big>No. That is unnecessary. My scanning hardware does not require signing.

[toothaches]

Er...well, alright. Go nuts.

[iamnotfast]

[BEEP BOOP here he goes, time to scan the vampire and... see how that ends up reading on his systems.]

[toothaches]

<sub>[No heartbeat. Abnormally cold body temperature. Obstruction in the chest cavity made of mobile curse threads. None of his signs looked particularly good--plus he had a withdrawal headache.]

[As the silence stretches, Maurice starts feeling naked.]</sub>

[iamnotfast]

[what.]

[No. Seriously. What. There is nothing in his database to match any of this. Except the hangover thing -- but that's less important, compared to:]

... You should not be alive.

[toothaches]

_{[What a thing to say, Baymax! Shame on you!]}

Uuuuuh, can you just ignore that part? It's...I'm fine!

[iamnotfast]

You lack a pulse, and other functions human bodies need in order to maintain life.

...

I do not understand.

[toothaches]

It's...a condition. Very rare. Don't worry about it.

_{[DAMMIT TERRI.]}

[iamnotfast]

... Your condition does not match any known conditions in my database.

[toothaches]

_{[Maurice spreads his arms.]}

See? Super duper rare!

[iamnotfast]

What is it called?

[toothaches]

Uhm...vampirism.

[iamnotfast]

... Vampirism not found. Suggested substitutions include: Renfield syndrome. Photophobia. Porphyria.

[toothaches]

H-hah! See? Super rare!

[iamnotfast]

[Head tilt. Blink.]

[He totally does not buy that.]

[toothaches]

_{[Maurice keeps his grin until it starts to hurt his face.]}

What else do you want me to tell you?

[iamnotfast]

What else can you tell me about your: condition?

[IS IT STORY TIME.]

[toothaches]

Ah-- uh. Uuuuuuh.

_{[Maurice wrings his hands and looks around as if there was a HOW TO VAMPIRE manual on the wall somewhere.]}

I'm...undead. I died a few years ago, but it's totally okay! I'm fine as long as I have enough blood.

_{[Maurice, why would you tell him that?]}

[iamnotfast]

[Staaaaaaaaaaare.]

[Maybe it would help if there WAS a manual because Baymax looks about as confused as a marshmallow can.]

Do you require a transfusion?